Aussies nicknames voted world’s shittest. “This is an outrage,” says John ‘Johnno’ Johnson.

A global survey conducted by DrunkenSober Community College has found that Australia places last in awarding our friends clever nicknames. Unlike our Commonwealth cousins in the United Kingdom, whose nicknames are often both witty and apt, we Aussies tend to go with the downright obvious. News of this slap in the face however was not received well Down Under.

“This is an outrage,” says John ‘Johnno’ Johnson. “I’m proud to be Johnno. Me dad was a Johnno, me grandad too – and me mum. There’s nothing wrong with Aussie nicknames, those Poms go and get stuffed.”

After such a brilliant riposte, no doubt the Brits aren’t too upset with Johnno’s ire. In fact, some Brit’s have even offered to help us improve the clever nature of our nicknames. Like junkie John in London, who isn’t called ‘Johnno’, but rather cleverly named ‘Mother Superior’ because of the length of his habit. Clever indeed.

It’s doubtful that the Johnno’s and Macca’s out there are too keen to get help from the Poms which means things look likely to remain as they are. On the bright side though, at least our nicknames are easy to remember.

Published by Brian Rowe

Brian lives in Queensland with his wife and [insert Councilly approved number of] cats and dogs. He has been described as handsome, charming, intelligent... and his mum also said, “He’s a very good boy.”

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