Harry Potter fans are overwhelmingly supportive so far of the rumours that Emma Watson and Tom Felton have begun dating. Even labelling the union Dramione. The two have been friends for a long time, but fuel was added to the fire of their potential union yesterday when Tom posted a photo on Instagram of theContinue reading “Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy have begun dating. Which can only make us assume Voldemort has returned!”
John “Ozzy” Osbourne has been partying since 1969. Well probably before then, but 1969 is when he joined Black Sabbath and began an extended bender that by all reports is still very much going. So for anyone who has ever had a hangover and ‘promised themselves and everyone they wronged the previous night that theyContinue reading “Ozzy Osbourne has a genetic mutation which allows him to party harder than the rest of us.”
“I can’t believe it! She seemed so normal,” said bride-to-be, Deepa Thinker (27). With the announcement of the separation of super couple Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth this week, a massive shockwave has been sent through brides-to-be across the globe. Miley, known for being one who really thinks things through – like her impromptu twerkingContinue reading “Nervous brides left wondering, ‘If sensible Miley Cyrus can’t make a marriage work, what hope do the rest of us have?’”
“This has never happened before!” said comedy club owner, Alison Taylor (44).
“Try having a life for a change,” says HBO executive, Bill Ionaire (45). After presenting a petition to HBO demanding season 8 be reshot – demanding, really? – the giant television network has officially responded letting fans know the reshoot was something they, “Never took seriously”. Naturally, this has angered fans who have nothing betterContinue reading “Fans petition HBO to reshoot season 8 of GoT. HBO says, “Let’s meet in the middle and you go fuck yourself.””
“If they merge with Ben and Jerry’s we’re screwed,” said avid TV watcher, Carol Couchsitter (31).
“Now let’s not say things we can’t take back,” said English cinephile, Joe Jectorsceen (56).
Grandmaster chess champion Igors Rausis was caught red-handed during a chess tournament this week. Photographic evidence has been handed to the police in order to charge him as he was playing for money and it is therefore a criminal matter. The camera set up in the toilet has peaked just as much interest as theContinue reading “Chess Grandmaster caught using a mobile phone in the toilet to cheat. Claims he was just looking at porn.”
‘The character’s name is Phillip, not Bryan. Why couldn’t they get a Phillip to play him?’ typed movie fan, Shays Athomealot (27). A current trend in cinema fandom is to project outrage at actors playing characters vastly different from themselves. First it was straight people playing gay characters, then straight people playing trans people, thenContinue reading “After backlash about actor Bryan Cranston playing a disabled person, fans now madder knowing he played a guy not named ‘Bryan.’”